http://www.blurty.com/talkread.bml?journal=vincents_girl&itemid=856
I’ve been working on a story for almost a year now, and I just got done rewriting the first chapter of it. I want to know–in all honesty–if I should just give up now and let it go, or if I should continue re-writing the rest of it.
Orta…
Not bad so far. You definitely shouldn’t give up on this pursuit (or at least keep pursuing it step by step over time). You should also write for no other reason than because you enjoy doing so, rather than in some vain attempt to draw attention to yourself (too many people fall into this trap).
I hope that constitutes what you would see as constructive criticism. Perfecting your writing ability is only a matter of time, really; as always, practice makes perfect!
Thanks. 
I do write because I want to; that’s one portion of a two-hundred-and-some page story among a plethora of two-hundred-and-some page stories. And hundreds of short stories. It’s a passion of mine, and has been for a while. But a few months back, I started to wonder “I wonder if I’m actually good at this.” I recently managed to gain the courage to have people read my writing.
I guess I’ll finish it then… laughs happily
I’ll go out and admit I dind’t read it all but the part that I read was very well written.
I just get scared by big texts but I will finish reading it eventually.Anyways not bad at all.
Thanks. Sorry about the length. I’ve always thought I may use one-thousand words to say nothing at all.
I’d say keep going. Practice makes perfect and all that…
I was surprisingly absorbed by the narative after a couple of paragraphs, very readable, if you enjoy it then I absolutely think you should keep with it. I can appreciate shamelessly bad-ass protagonists too.
You seem to have quite a… visceral sensibility, that works well for you in this example. Not sure how much of a compliment you’ll take this as, it is very much intended as such, but it somehow reminded me of reading a Conan novel. 
oopsy daisy! :anjou_embarassed:
cries at the fact he never finished Scourge
[quote=“Heretic Agnostic”]I was surprisingly absorbed by the narative after a couple of paragraphs, very readable, if you enjoy it then I absolutely think you should keep with it. I can appreciate shamelessly bad-ass protagonists too.
You seem to have quite a… visceral sensibility, that works well for you in this example. Not sure how much of a compliment you’ll take this as, it is very much intended as such, but it somehow reminded me of reading a Conan novel. [/quote]
I’ll take it as a compliment then.
The main character (dubbed by one of my friends as “The Big, Furry Thing Whose Name I Can’t Remember”) was supposed to be bad ass… I was too afraid nobody would like him, though, because nobody can really RELATE to him.
Orta what comes across is that you relate to Daraga, and that’s ultimately what matters most. If the character doesn’t exist as a tangible entity then your words will only ever be that, words. I’m not even qualified to critique your writing per se, and as Geoffrey said it’s mainly a matter of practice, all I can say is that, subjectively, I can see a knack for storytelling.
To be clear, I enjoyed reading it and I actually care about what happens next!
… Oooh…
That makes me happy.
Maybe my overactive imagination has a use after all.
I really like it. Daraga seems very interesting.
I meant to read this since your first post, but didn’t get around to it until now. I have always been very keen of writing and reading in general, so it’s great that you share the same passion. With that said here are my thoughts:
I really enjoyed the character of Daraga, and how in the very beginning of the story the reader is able to grasp a good understanding of his attitude without delay by the conversation he has with the captain. It really drew me in and I wanted to learn more about what really drives him as I read on.
The whole mythos of your world was very well integrated into your narrative and didn’t seem tacked on, or plugged in to explain some loose ends like some stories do it.
The conversations that occur within the tale succumb to a common idea that is held with many people, but ultimately doesn’t quite work. When a character is finished speaking, it is usually followed by he said or she said. This story is pretty action packed and I like it, but in the heat of battle, or any argument when a character is finished speaking many people like to add on an adjective to liven up their conversations during intense moments. For example:
[quote]?CY EHTA LAL FU ZU! CY L?WI VENRE OGREFIV ZU!? Daraga cried.
He let out a loud laugh as the fire billowed, the ship beginning to cave in on itself and sink.[/quote]
It is almost redundant to write that Daraga cried this phrase, since the reader already knows he’s angry from the previous events, the whole phrase is in capitals, and that it ends with an exclamation point. It is inherent to the reader that Daraga is in some sort of raged state and adding this breaks the flow since right afterwards you also say he lets out a loud laugh. This happens a couple times throughout part one, and an be easily fixed by just trying to erase any sort of unneeded tak ons, or simply replacing them with (character) said to make sure the reader knows who is speaking during a dialogue block.
[quote]?CY EHTA LAL FU ZU! CY L?WI VENRE OGREFIV ZU!?
As the fires billowed, Daraga let out a loud laugh. The ship began to cave in on itself and sink.[/quote]
This is just one of many ways that it is possible to accomplish this. What I always try to do, is open up any book you have and flip through to find how the author conveys a scene, more so than not if something is put at the end, it is just the he/she said.
I’m not trying to act all-knowing or condescending, this is just some things I have learned. In the end it is your story and you can do anthing you want. But it is very well written and a great start that definitely got me hooked. I’ll be waiting anxiously for the next installement. Don’t stop now, write because you like to and keep it up like Geoffrey said.
Well, criticism is what I wanted. Room to improve…
I’m gonna have to do this more often. This seems to be making me more productive…