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Such complicated audio processing is likely to be very hard and require expensive tools and a lot of processing to even get close to what you’re asking… the nature of sound means that by taking out a part you don’t want, you can often take out some of the part which you do want.
I’d like to help - but the editing-out part is likely to be very hard to do. Adding sounds into existing recordings should be quite easy, however, and you could try the editor Audacity. 
I prefer acosutica audio mixer over audacity…
but its hard to get the effect you want.
(the broom thing was funny though, haha)
Acoustica Audio Mixer? goes to investigate
Anyway, regarding removing vocals - there are some ‘filters’ which claim to be able to do this. They work on the assumption that the vocals are centred in the stereo image, and thus, the peaks match very closely in the left and right sound waves. By cancelling out matching peaks, they can create an effect which can mute the vocals; however, this process can end up creating distortion or muting other sounds along the way.
(I’m pretty sure that’s how vocal/center filtering works - please correct me if I’m wrong, any audiophiles here!)
Anyhow, it’ll be the much same with editing out any other kind of sound, if not more complicated. I have to say that you may not have much luck in this area. However, professional applications and filters can, of course, accomplish a lot. But my assumption is that you’re looking for a cheap program?
However, adding sounds generally just means summing the sample values of their waves and is generally very easy; handled automatically by your editor when you mix down to a single file.