Need a bit of proof reading

Hi all, I come here with a request to anyone who knows their PDS stuff. Right now, there’s a side-project fans are doing on (game music remixing site if you’re unfamiliar with it) that will make the pictures that appear on the top right of the page, that randomly cycle between various video game characters each refresh, link to profiles of the pictured characters. They’re relying on fan submissions, so I decided why not make a profile of one of my favourite characters, from one of my favourite games? Would anyone be so kind as to read this and make any corrections or ammendments where neccesary? Also, any general literary criticisms, such as a sentence that sounds funny or something not explained well enough, are very welcome.

Team Andromeda (SEGA)

Character Summary:
Azel, literally translating to ‘servant’, is the enigmatic female lead of the critically acclaimed Sega Saturn RPG ‘Panzer Dragoon Saga’ (known in Japan as ‘Azel: Panzer Dragoon RPG’), one of the last games to be released on the platform. The creation of an ancient civilisation, Azel remained inactive until discovered by protagonist Edge, then captured and awoken by apparent antagonist Craymen. Fiercely loyal to her waker, and enemy by association to Edge, Azel’s morality is ambigous for the most part of the story, providing a number of boss battles from the back of her Dragon, Atolm, throughout. Edge is something of a reluctant rival to Azel, and it’s only later when the two are forced by circumstance to work together that we are given any insight into her mind, and her purpose.

As the story progresses Azel’s blind loyalties fade, and her apathy to the world around her is replaced by curiosity and emotion, even experiencing dreams and nightmares as a human would. Her role in relation to the world is also revealed; she is the key to the operation of the tower, a structure created by the Ancients that controls and regulates the world’s population and environment, still functioning long after their deaths. As such, she is a highly contested figure for the various factions of the Panzer world - control of Azel means control of the world.

It is revealed in the XBOX game Panzer Dragoon:Orta that after the ending of Saga, Azel went on to combine the genetic information of herself and Edge to create Orta, the female protagonist of the game. Though her ultimate fate is unknown, it’s clear that something of her lives on in Orta. For her many complexities, her inner conflicts, her unstereotypical personality for a female RPG character, Azel remains to this day a much-loved fan favourite.

The Will of the Ancient’s Azel Page
The Will of the Ancient’s PDS Page
Wikipedia’s Panzer Dragoon Page

Panzer Dragoon Saga (1998)
Panzer Dragoon Orta (2002)[/quote]

Lance, you may notice a phrase or two is taken/adapted from your Azel article (linked in profile). These being “something of her lives on in Orta” and “experiencing dreams and nightmares as a human would”. I hope this is okay with you, I tried to find different ways of saying them but honestly I couldn’t think of a better way, and they’re basic plot descriptions anyway. If you want me to change either of them do say so, I don’t intend to plagarise anything.

Oh, and by the way, on Azel translating to ‘servant’ - is that in panzerese or a real language?

That’s absolutely fine, there’s only a limited number of ways things like this can be said. About the “servant” thing, that’s based on a comment in one of the books in PDS:

In the Ancient Age, the Towers
were called ‘Azel Sestrens’, or
’Servants of Sestren’. All Towers
are tools for Sestren so it can
exercise its power on the world.
If Sestren is destroyed, the
Towers will sleep.

…though it’s worth pointing out that a lot of the details in that Azel summary I wrote are taken directly from the English PDS script, which may or may not be strictly accurate (we know it’s not a perfect translation). All of the descriptions in your summary look fine to me, though. :anjou_happy:

Cool, thanks for your response, and the elucidation on Azel’s name. From what google could tell me, the name can mean ‘reserved’ or ‘noble’ in Hebrew, which both seem to fit her character rather well too.